State Suites and Titillating Tweets – by Eliot K. Waddingham

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My name is Eliot Waddingham, and I use gender neutral pronouns.

Did you feel that? That tight little clench in the back of your neck, like you’ve just heard someone announce a radical political view?

Don’t worry, I felt it too.

You’re feeling it because you’re thinking, “Oh boy, here’s another one.”  I’m feeling it because I know that’s what you’re feeling, and I just wanted you to refer to me using neutral pronouns.  I can’t do that, however, without inadvertently making statements that cause the majority of people I interact with to assume other things about my identity.  I’m a communist, a vegan, and a militant feminist. Probably. You never know with those people.

But wait! There’s more. I’m also a Christian. More accurately, I’m a theistic rationalist.

I know, I know. That’s an unnecessary level of detail when you haven’t even bought me a coffee, yet!

I attend St. Alban’s Anglican in Ottawa, and between frequenting the music team and occasionally giving a sermon (http://eliotinterchange.com/2015/07/13/telling-our-stories-me-the-ethopian-eunuch/) , lots of people know my name there even if I don’t always know theirs. As part of my leadership at St. Al’s, I’ve also lead two workshops about gender and sexuality and how these things intersect with faith. I was once on a panel of ‘millennials’ talking about why we still go to church. Despite my incredibly verbose and awkward manner of speaking and just generally taking up space, people seem to be interested in my opinions on things there, and I share them.

So, that’s my personal life, which honestly, is not as simple as I’d like it to be. Being queer and Christian is not something that comes without contradiction, or, rather, contradictions have to do with what people assume I think or feel about [insert religious/queer rights issue here]. If you were friends with me on Facebook, you’d see a collection of religious memes, political posts encouraging Canucks not to vote for Harper in October, and a lot of geeking out about how Nepal just created third-gender passports. Oh, and pictures of my cats. Kind of a lot of pictures of my cats.

You would also see on my Facebook a number of reposts for whatever is going on with my job. I am very privileged to be the head of research for an “edutainment” company called Bold & Mighty. (You KNOW you wanna click through that one. Did you do it? Don’t worry, I’ll wait). I post daily “On This Day in History” posts, in English and French, corral a pretty rad team of researchers, and occasionally write more in-depth blog posts about historical events, like this one about an air raid on a German dam that would make a great blockbuster film (http://www.boldandmighty.com/blog/2015/5/17/5-things-you-didnt-know-about-the-dam-busters). Though I usually feed most of the social media posts into a bot that will post them for me at higher traffic times, occasionally, I have to do things manually.  Because our Facebook page insists on being tied to my “personal” Facebook account, when that happens, the feed will show that: Eliot K. Waddingham on behalf of Bold and Mighty posted this. This can sometimes be sweet, because people like my grandmother will post on our daily history facts and comment about how much she loves my job.  It’s also a little frightening.  I work for a company whose spoken purpose is to educate Canadians about Canadian military history.  Military buffs, by and large, tend to be conservative people, who probably wouldn’t like the pride flag gradient I’ve had over my profile picture for a month.

When I was growing up, I lived in a (small-c) conservative family. My father and his parents come from a very British tradition of keeping your business to yourself. My family was, and still is, very involved in the church. For as long as I can remember, a particular sort of tension often cropped up in church life about having, “private,” issues you dealt with in the family, and having, “public,” matters you shared with the broader community. Churches have a lot of good to them, but anyone who’s gone to one for an extended period of time will know that gossip is a vicious weed in those circles. Everyone talks about everyone else. It is allowed, to a certain extent, because churches were considered to span that bridge between, “public,” and, “private,” life. It used to be that we had this expectation that people–average people, less so for celebrities or politicians–would leave their personal problems in the personal sphere and put on a private face for work. And similarly, it didn’t matter what your political views or sexual identity were as long as you could get the job done. As Pierre Elliot Trudeau once put it, “there is no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation.”

The historian in me needs to point out that this idea has always been a fallacy–in the 1920s, Ford famously implemented his “$5 A Day” wages, which were only for workers who were married, kept their house in good order, and ideally abstained from alcohol.  Look at the British royal family or the Clinton affair. Look at any tabloid magazine in any convenience store! We’ve always been obsessed with the “personal,” and frequently have let the personal impact the political.

This is particularly relevant now, as never has it been so easy as it is today for the political to monitor the personal. How many articles have you read about the importance of curating your Facebook page, avoiding those drunk photos and keeping away from expressing too strong a political opinion on anything? How many times have we been told that potential employers are looking for your Facebook–they want you to have one, and they want to see something about you, something personal, but something positive. Well-put together, ideally with at least one quirky interest, but nothing you wouldn’t show your great-grandmother.  This is where things can be difficult for me.

Perhaps the most controversial aspect of my identity (even more than the Queer Christian thing) is that I am open, and always have been, about my ongoing struggle with mental illness. I’ve always made it a point to be open about that part of my life.  Similar to my more-recent coming-out as queer, I find the only way to decrease stigma is to talk about myself with candor – and occasionally, humour. While that’s a cute little life philosophy, what doesn’t fit on the convenient business card blurb is the anxiety that comes along with it.  I lay it out pretty clearly on my blog that having depression makes me a crappy 9-5 employee (http://eliotinterchange.com/2015/07/17/on-salaried-existence-spoon-theory-and-digital-nomadism/), and that can be off-putting to some.

This is about the time where I’m supposed to sum up what I’ve written in something pithy you can post as a tagline if you share this on Facebook (which, hey, I hope you do! I’d love to get talking about this in the comments). But the truth is, I don’t have an easy summary for this, nor do I have concrete conclusions about what it means to be a Complicated Human in a Digital World. I do my best to own my contributions to that virtual cork-board where we all create ourselves, status by status, share by share. Some of these contributions are complicated — it’s not easy to be queer, to be Christian, to be both. To be chronically depressed and clinically anxious, and still hold down a job and some university courses.   Paradox and ambiguity characterizes many of these, which makes them hard to pare down into simplistic views and soundbites.

In my opinion, all we can do — and admittedly, I’m not always great at this — is think before we talk, and try to be who we are. The century we live in has brought us a lot of cool stuff through this Internet thing.  It’s never been easier for me to find those people who fit in the Venn diagram of queer and christian, geeky and introverted, mentally ill and wanting to talk about that. The cost, of course, is that we’ve also got problems like Weinergate, a Facebook timeline that has forever chronicled that stupid stuff I wanted to share with everyone at age fifteen, and subreddits about creepshots.

The internet is holding us to a level of accountability we’ve never seen before, and it’s brought the “personal” and the “private” so close together that the letters have started to blur. There may be no place for the state in our bedroom, but we did make space for our smartphones. To mix metaphors–we’ve built a new bed. Let’s start talking about how best we want to lay in it.

 

eliotw

Eliot is a 22-year old self-described “gender bandit” with a big heart and a weakness for Bridgehead lattes. Professionally, they do research and monitor social media for Bold & Mighty. Personally, they like to knit, embroider, and watch 80s sci-fi. You can find them at eliotinterchange.com

 

Social Media Personas: Who am I?

One of the best things about my job is that I get to meet such a wide variety of people both on and off line. So naturally I want to share some of the insight I have gained from these individuals with you guys!

I’m so generous.

Over the next few weeks I will be sharing some guest pieces written for THIS HERE BLOG about online personas. I have picked writers who rely heavily on social media for either their profession or their professional hobby and have unique challenges in terms of how to represent themselves online.

We all navigate the tricky waters of personal vs shareable. Let’s see what advice these folks can give us. Then at the end of the series I will be posting my nuttiest blog yet summarizing my thoughts on how to figure out what you should share and what you should spare.

Happy reading ready readers.

 

 

 

Crazy Little Thing Called Clients

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Let’s crack open the elephant egg in the room – clients. You may want to buckle up, because we are going to talk about this via my favourite source of inspiration – online dating.

Why, you ask? Two words: personal branding. Online dating was a moment of confidence and clarity in my life. I knew who I was and what I wanted. So when I was faced with doubt and anxiety at finding clients I turned to that experience for help.

Spoiler alert! Despite my best efforts to avoid being a poster child for anything conventional (convention, yuck!), I am a poster child for online dating. I joined on a Tuesday and on that Friday I went on my first date with the man I would end up marrying 2 years later. And ladies, this is not some Cosmo bull$h*t on how finding a husband is like climbing the corporate ladder. This is instead about a trend we should take note of in terms of how we connect to people online and offline.

Personal Branding

Your typical online dating site works using a three-pronged system; photos, match %, and a descriptive profile. While I could easily draw conclusions about the use of photos and personality-based metrics, for the sake of space I will only focus on the third-prong: the personal description.

Lets start off by filling out a profile on OkCupid and along the way I will show you how in meeting my husband, I learned an incredibly important lesson in branding and client hunting.

Fill in below and find love instantly…

Below I have copied the sections from OkCupid that they ask you to fill in. As an aside, this was no random choice. I am not just a fan of this site for delivering me my husband (express): I am a fan because they really understand what connects people. The questions below may look fairly standard but in them is a goldmine of critical information. You just have to know how to read it and then write it.

* If you are interested in doing this personal branding exercise – scroll to the end of the post and print out the detailed list. I encourage you to try and fill it in before reading the rest of this post and then again at the end of reading this post. Please feel free to share some of your insights in the comments section.*

  1. My self-summary
  2. What am I doing with my life
  3. I’m really good at
  4. The first things people usually notice about me
  5. Favourite books, movies, shows, music, and food
  6. The six things I could never do without
  7. I spend a lot of time thinking about
  8. On a typical Friday night I am
  9. The most private thing I’m willing to admit
  10. I’m looking for
  11. You should message me if

Step 1: Who am I?

Imagine for a minute that you are doing this exercise for the purpose of dating. You may see self-summary and think, “I will list all my relevant experience to prove how valuable I am”. You begin with a list of your schooling, dating experience, relationship skills, and end with an account of all the high-fives you’ve received in your climb to being an excellent partner. We do this when we look for work so why don’t we do this in dating? Because we know that this is not how real connections are made. Entrepreneurship relies on the relationships you build with customers and clients. So why do we forget that when we enter a professional situation?

There is evidence all around us of the things we are good at. That evidence doesn’t just take the forms of certifications, awards, recognitions, and degrees. Open your mind and think about all the things that you do well: all the moments in your day/week where you feel particularly strong. Here are mine:

When I first did this exercise (as in, when I decided to go off on my own) this was my list:

  • Video production
  • Project management
  • Strategic thinking
  • Team work

The list goes on but I think you get the idea.

Now I will show you my list after I decided to open my mind and take away those pesky boundaries that are reinforced in resume writing:

  • Meeting new people
  • Connecting friend groups
  • Hosting parties
  • Public speaking
  • Caring for pets
  • Communicating my boundaries
  • Getting people excited about something new

I look at that last list and see a few themes pop out at me. One of those themes is nurturing. So how does that translate into my work? It is important for me to feel like I contribute to the quality of life of the people (and animals) around me. So maybe instead of presenting myself as a digital media service, I should talk about how I love to: nurture projects, understand each clients needs, and help clients develop a work environment that strengthens the type of work they do.
Boom! I am good at that! It is my authentic self. “Nurturing Toni” is going to attract much better suited clients than “video production Toni”. Why? Because not only is it authentically imbedded in my sense of self, there are way more access points for a conversation about my skills as a nurturer than my skills in video production.

Step 2: What are my tastes?

Ira Glass says it best when he says:

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer.”

Your taste is important because it foreshadows your professional thinking. Even in online dating, this section can be the most revealing if you know how to read it. Some people will list EVERYTHING they like. The “cover my bases” thinking is counter-productive. If you want someone to taste a new wine, you don’t drown them in it, you give them a small glass of something you’ve carefully selected based on their palette. Under ‘what books I like’, you might only put those you read as part of your high school curriculum. This could mean you aren’t a big reader, or perhaps you fear admitting you don’t like to read (or, even worse, that you secretly only like to read trashy crime novels). But imagine going on a date with someone who is super into literature and was attracted to your profile because you like the modern classics. Well by lying you’ve not only become unappealing but also untrustworthy. If you’re not comfortable with your own taste (or you’ve misrepresented it), how is a client expected to trust the choices you’re going to make for them?

Step 3: Are you my taste?

Clarifying your tastes will also help reveal the type of client you want. Filtering out the incompatible types is often a self-reflective exercise in business. It is about understanding your authentic self to attract the right fit. I am in no way suggesting that you are responsible for attracting shifty clients or dates; even the best of us can encounter people who misrepresent themselves. This is certainly not some sideways argument on short skirt means open invitation.

“I’m looking for” and “You should message me if…” exists for good reason. If you can define yourself, you can define your ideal client. If you can define your ideal client, you will have a point of reference to begin your search.

So here’s the deal – there is no way to get clients without doing the modern day door-to-door; talk to everyone you know about what you’re doing; cold call companies you’d like to work with; look for other small companies where you might compliment their services. However, if you have the tools to describe exactly what you do, how you’d like to do, and with who you’d ideally like to do it with you are sure to hit the target more often.

The Exercise

Now look at the questions below, fill those suckers in, and tell me what you discover!

  1. My self-summary – I encourage you to fill this in last. Treat it as the section on your website or Facebook page where you would describe who you are and what you do. You’ll need more info before diving into the belly of the beast. So come back to it!
  2. What am I doing with my life – What you are doing with your life in a combination of what you are currently doing (for real) and what you are working towards.
  3. I’m really good at – Take a look at Step 1: Who am I?
  4. The first things people usually notice about me – These are usually aesthetic. Start thinking about how your personal style reflects your business personality.
  5. Favourite books, movies, shows, music, and food – Taste! Check out this video for more of Ira Glass’ supreme wisdom. Don’t just think about your favourite things – think about your favourite apps, entrepreneurs, inventors, writers etc… and figure out what it is you like about their work so much.

  6. The six things I could never do without – If you are finding that what you need to do relies too heavily on resources you cannot yet acquire, think about shifting your offered services to reflect more accurately what you could immediately do. This will save you a lot of grief and self-doubt.
  7. I spend a lot of time thinking about – Your aspirations, fears, academic obsessions, etc… Knowing what you want and what you are afraid of can put you ahead of the obstacles you are going to face.
  8. On a typical Friday night I am –translate to – how do I imagine a typical/ideal work day?
  9. The most private thing I’m willing to admit – “Willing” being the key word. This doesn’t mean share beyond your comfort zone. Take a look at the previous blog post I wrote about vulnerability in business: Why Women Need to be a Part of Your Business Plan
  10. I’m looking for – Take a look at Step 2: Who are you?
  11. You should message me if – Take a look at Step 2: Who are you?

Until next time!

An Office of One’s Own…and One Own’s Dog

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Boris (my Great Dane) and I spent most mornings the same way these days. My husband gets up to start his job in carpentry bright and early. Boris and I make lazy attempts at getting rubs and cuddles from him, but soon enough Boris plops onto the warm space where my husband was sleeping and the two of us drift off for another hour.

Once Boris has been for his morning walk and I’ve made my cup of coffee tea (I’m trying) I go back upstairs, where on the other side of the bedroom I have set-up a cozy little workspace. I will usually start building my weekly schedule on Monday mornings. Now don’t get me wrong, Mondays are not my favourite part of the week, but I love this part of it because I do exactly what I did in all my years at a Montessori elementary/middle school.
Let me first tell you a little about my time there.
We used to get all our work for the week assigned on a Monday and then it was up to us how we wished to complete it. During the week we’d have lectures, art classes, music classes, and other once-off activities as well. We were many grades in one class so we all had the benefit of listening to the same “lectures” – we just had different projects to complete at the end of it.  We were even allowed to try an older grades project if we wanted a challenge. But before I gush my way to a novel-sized memoir of my Montessori days, let’s get back to scheduling.
As boring as it sounds (it’s not!), this entire post is will probably end up being about scheduling.

“I am my own boss” means I make my own week.  On Mondays I sit with about 15 little sticky notes on my fingers and rearrange them on the side of my bookcase under titles that indicate the day of the week. Stickies include: research and development for workshops; video editing; bookkeeping; current clients; new clients; and my favourite – blogging. Now, as good as Montessori was at teaching me how to schedule, I found these lessons quickly evaporating in a conventional work environment. When I started my own business I found myself wanting to adhere to those conventional rules and frankly it was a completely demotivating exercise.  For a while I didn’t understand that I was doing this. I actually thought I was living by my own rules. Then I stumbled upon Braid Creative.

A creativity consulting and design company, they wield strong weapons against falling into traps of being anything except yourself. So naturally when I saw that they offered an e-course in “Personal Branding” I jumped – hard. One of the exercises I completed was to map out all the traditional rules or norms associated with being a professional. I thought back to my jobs in corporate marketing and started to uncover the expectations – what they refer to as “the optics” – of what a professional is. These were things like: work hours; when to take lunch; how to dress; how not to dress; what language to use; when to take personal leave; what an appropriate stress level. Ironically, if your answer to elevator small talk didn’t at least reference being stressed or “over-capacity”, the general assumption was that you weren’t serious enough about your job. It took writing out these “rules” to realize just how this had impacted my perception of a ‘professional’.
As I was taking stock of my workweek, I started rewriting these rules. In doing so, my definition of a professional began to shift.

I love Fridays. I’m energized and stimulated from the week and full of restless energy. I love the energy of the 9-5ers downtown as they ramp up for the weekend by taking a slightly longer lunch to grab a beer with a pal, or walk in the denims they only get to wear on Fridays. It feels like everyone is giggling at the same joke on the inside. So a little while ago I decided – no work on Fridays. By Sunday I’ve usually had my fill of domestic chores and family BBQs so I like jumping into some of the more free-flowing creative work on a Sunday afternoon. This means that when I wake up on Mondays I’ve already started, though I still hate Mondays.
But now, I love Sundays.
They are not that bitter reminder of a Monday.
They are their own special day where work blends with BBQ and white wine. Fridays are my very own day. Most of the time I’m out and about in one of my favourite Ottawa hoods – Hintonburg. When I’m there you’re likely to find me perusing the sales items at St. Vincent De Paul, then going next door to Flock to longingly stare at each and every beautiful creation in there. Then I walk to The Hintonburg Public House where I treat myself to a glass of wine and something to eat. Dessert is ALWAYS Suzy Q donuts and I ALWAYS buy half a dozen. They make a lovely snack later when husband and I are watching Netflix.

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Now before you think  – well of course YOU can do that, YOU work from home. Let me just say that you are completely right. I chose to build my life in a way where my personal life and work life, my personal self and work self all blend together. In order to help people tell stories, I have to have stories of my own. In order to help local businesses brand and create unique content, I have to understand the Ottawa appeal. It is my job to love my work as much as it is to do my work. And – if I have to be honest – I think we all need to change our thinking to be a little more in line with that. You will be better at your job if you love it – even if what you love about it is that it gives you time or money for something great in your personal life. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Work to live. Don’t live to work.

Any other “dad style” advice-sayings you can all throw at me?

I’m lovin’ it. So should you.

 

Why Women Need to be a Part of Your Business Plan

At the risk of whacking you over the head with yet another preachy article about why women are awesome (side note: women are awesome), I want to spend a quick minute putting my two cents in the ceramic pig.

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Diversity is not just about visually representing everyone equally. That is a crucial aspect of course, but I want to talk about the importance of diversification in emotional thinking.

Women are trained to be vulnerable. Not all women are and certainly a lot of men are as well but hear me out. Women are often very good at communicating the greyer, messier, much harder to track and measure aspects of life. Maybe it is because society has bashed it into us that its okay for women to be vulnerable, talk about feelings, and have every step of their journey publicly scrutinized. So let’s think about a recent work situation where it would have been useful to bring some of these elements to the table.

An example I see a lot is a company making a blunder. Some companies will immediately jump to re-positioning or rationalizing their way out of failure. But this is a real opportunity to demonstrate reflective thinking to those who feel betrayed by your brand. Start by saying “we made this mistake” “we grew too much, too fast” “we missed a key step when developing this product” and change the conversation to a chance for learning. Give your customers the opportunity to rationalize for themselves. This will generate a much more authentic sympathy. A great example is one in our very own Ottawa. I won’t disclose any details but I think this example will still serve well.

Last year a local business was on the path to launch early 2015. The launch date was set, the press was buzzing, and the people were ready to engage in the business. Then a crisis struck. Red tape and permit restrictions put the business in a position of not only having to delay its launch date, but suspend it indefinitely. Then they did something very clever – they started the conversation about failure. They went to the media and talked openly about the difficulty in the current process for getting these permits and how it’s been a huge learning experience for them. These articles were full of feelings! Frustration, anger, confusion, disappointment, hope, passion, etc… – but it was coming from the company. Once the ball got rolling again they posted updates every step of the way and instead of seeing a drop off in interest, the opposite happened. People were now invested in the success of this business. They wanted a win for passionate people looking to break through the red tape and do something interesting. They demonstrated immense emotional resilience as a company.

So why women? No, it’s not because they are very good at saying sorry and still making you feel at fault. It is because they are good at feelings. Being vulnerable is something we are faced with whether we want it or not. Every time we post a selfie we are judged, every time we assert ourselves we are scrutinized harshly . So a good number of us have developed some level of comfort with being vulnerable even if it is just out of survival. So a lot of women have naturally learned to be emotionally resilient in the workplace. Of course, this can be achieved without women but with diversification of employees comes a diverse set of emotional traumas, failures, and successes. Women just happen to be at the front lines of scrutiny so trust us when we tell you that it is better to be the first one to tell the story, even if its difficult to tell, than to let others tell it for you.

Vulnerability can be a real strength in business and I am by no means the first person to see this. There are tons of amazing people out there talking about just this. So below I have shared one of my favourite teachings around this marvelous subject:

Feelings are awesome. Thanks for reading!

Toni

 

 

Talking to Others

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I recently did another Brown Bag Lunch at HUB Impact Ottawa. This one was around crowdfunding videos but what it was really about was storytelling with your values. What I love most about the opportunity to speak at the BBL is that it also gives me a chance to work through some of my own ideas.  It’s like throwing spaghetti on the ceiling to see if it’s cooked properly. So here are some things that stuck and stayed:

I’m Sorry for Asking

Think about how often in the day you use apologetic language. “I’m sorry for bugging you but…” “Sorry to ask but…” “You don’t have to but I’d really appreciate it if you…”. Why do we do this? Guilt, the fear of rejection, the fear of overstepping or asking too much? While her reputation is a mixed bag of insult and awe, Amanda Palmer did break the record for the largest amount of money crowdfunded for a music project. The TEDTalk that followed her success tells us just how she did it – by learning the ‘Art of Asking’. Listen carefully to how she describes asking as a gift to be given. What she is really telling you – is have strong values which you can share with others in a meaningful way.

 

How Do We Make Friends?

There are a number of ways we make friends of varying degrees, but some of the more common ways we connect for the first time are as follows:

– Asking someone a favour

– Telling someone a secret or something that makes you vulnerable

– Sharing an interest or activity

– Being part of something larger (HUB network, Christian Youth Group, Burlesque Dance Troupe)

All of these have one thing in common – they rely on an exchange. I give you something and in return I trust you with it. It is for you. In crowdfunding it is essential to remember that people are not just buying into your product or idea but they are buying into you. They want to cheer for you and your success. So before you do anything you have to have a very clear vision of what your success looks like and what all the steps leading up to look like so that you can communicate this to your backers.

The way that people buy into your vision is through the expression of your values. For example:

My vision is a space where people can come together and grow vegetables. My values are education through mentoring, sustainable living, and getting vitamin D everyday.

So when I begin to shape my story for the video I think about how to represent those values in order to tell the story of a community garden. Perhaps I will choose a moment of a mother showing her son how to plant something. While it shows the daily application of this project, it also demonstrates that my project values meaningful human connection.

Video

There are countless statistics proving that crowdfunding campaigns with video make at least 1.5x more money than those without. This is for a number of reasons but in storytelling when we need to deliver a decisive and meaningful message we use symbols. A flower wilting tells us about the futility of life. So when you are planning your next campaign video whether for crowdfunding or just plain crowd pleasing think about your core values and ultimate vision. Think about meaningful symbols or visual moments which demonstrate your values. But mostly – don’t be afraid to ask for help. People like feeling valuable and if you reward them with the experience and story they are buying into, you are not overstepping one bit.

Keep creating…

Toni

 

 

 

Four endings and a beginning

I am my own boss. I am my own boss. I am my own boss. No, I still cannot believe it. Not because I am so in awe of myself. Quite the opposite. December 2014 – I found myself in a bind. Not the good kinky kind either. After submerging myself into the corporate marketing world for almost a year in what appeared to be the perfect job for the perfect future – life threw me yet another, all-too-predictable curve-ball. “You think you like stability, security, a nice clean suit with a nice clean salary? Think again”.
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I had it all – a wonderful job with a great team, visions of future leadership, and husband to spoil with my very first adult-sized salary. Then. Boom. A small group of contract workers including myself were told that no contracts would be renewed for 2015. As I’m sure many of you know, especially if you are under 30, job security is a dusty top shelf dream. Most of us don’t even have the luxury to think about things like retirement, pension, mortgage payments. My coping mechanism for this lifestyle of being in and out of jobs, was to worry less about my longevity at a company and to instead focus on the impact I was making while I was there. I wanted to let my various experiences shape my career. But this time was different. I believed this one had taken. So when the door closed on yet another path to job happiness, I was defeated. Anxiety and depression for the last two years left me exhausted. Worst of all – I felt like nothing could recharge my once self-charging batteries.
Essentially, I had spent so much energy investing in what I believed would bring me happiness that I accidentally unlearned how to be happy myself. So I slept. A lot. I let the defeat saturate my whole. Then, one cold and dull day, I went to my church. I should explain that this is not an actual church but it is my spiritual getaway; the place where I seem to flock when I need to understand something. A tattoo shop where I spent one summer working as a receptionist. I was in need of money and the owner, a big-hearted animal-loving lady, to my great surprise and despite my inklessness hired me. So one dreary afternoon I wondered over there to visit one of the artists who is now a dear friend. I told her the news. I had lost my job. Her reaction was unexpected – at best. “Toni this is the best news. Now you can just do your own thing”. Then the choir chimed in. It wasn’t just her. Other people reacted the same way. When I went back to my tattooed spiritual guide and told her about this she gave me one heck of a talking to. She believed wholeheartedly that it was time for me to build something of my own. I felt it. That urge to detach my ambitions from the bureaucracy that seemed to control it for the past 10 years of my life.
So one Saturday afternoon I sat in this chair (my comfy office chair at home) and came up with a business name – RedBrick Rooster Creative. So now, this is what I am building. This time without worrying that it has to be this impenetrable fortress designed to create future happiness and kick out all anxiety and depression.  To be honest, it isn’t much of anything yet. I wake up every morning (never at exactly the same time) and think – today I will build and play. I am less scared about taking things apart and rebuilding them because it’s just for me. My happiness. I have learned that my happiness relies on my personal and professional life being a big blurry grey line. One does not help defeat the evils in the other. They work together. I thought I knew this already. So as you can imagine I was quite shocked when I found out that I did not.